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How do Christians show hope and truth?

HF Longoria III asked: What would be a great method to show [those who once followed Christianity, but have left] there is hope.. there is truth.. there is eternal life in Christianity?

Wow! That’s a packed question! We live in a day and age where many have left the Church, but have also left Christianity. There’s much to explore in this question, including unasked questions about why people leave. For if we can address why people are leaving, then we can strengthen connections with our current Christian communities and reduce the opportunities for people falling through the cracks.

Working in the fitness industry taught me that people quit working out because they don’t feel connected. The solution to connections in fitness? Knowing people by name, knowing something about them, engaging them when they walk through the door, and spending time dialoguing with them when they have issues and problems. This dramatically reduces the number of cancellations, including stopping those who’ve said they want to cancel, but really lost connection with why they were exercising in the first place. When people leave a gym for another, it’s either because they’ve moved, or they’ve made personal connections somewhere else. People who have left the church often do so because they’ve felt disconnected, have unanswered issues, and have felt a greater personal connection with something else. Most people have not left the church because they have issues with God; it’s because they have issues with people. People who have gone in search of other belief systems have not permanently left the idea of church or God, they are in search of a meaningful and practical connection with the divine.

I’ll never forget my philosophy professor talking about his period of atheism. He grew up in church, but left it because of the illogical reasoning he heard from the pulpit. For years he was absent, but when he started exploring and questioning, he started coming back to church services. He could sit through the singing, but always left before the sermon. It took time, but eventually he came back of his own free will, and determination to understand the God of the universe. My professor wanted to explore. He wanted answers to the question of suffering. He wanted something deep and meaningful, but struggled to find it on Sunday. I assume most of our friends who’ve left have similar issues. Sunday isn’t doing it for them, they want something more. They want to reach out to God, but don’t know where to look, or have become so discouraged they’ve stopped looking and started medicating.

The Church isn’t about Sunday. It’s about everyday community. Having moved around and been to numerous churches, the community is now my biggest draw. I look to see whether or not the people in the church are representing the gospel before they speak it. For if they aren’t living the gospel without words, then listening to them speak is meaningless. Preaching, aka lecturing people about Jesus, isn’t the answer to our friends’ unasked questions. The solution is inherent in throughout the Bible: the word is not just spoken, it is lived.

To quote Jesus, we need to be born of water and of spirit. This means we need to repent of our sins and seek forgiveness, but we also need to be transformed. We need to let God’s spirit dwell within us. To live out love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control. When we move beyond the hellfire insurance of water, into the world of the spirit, then we will truly live out the gospel. It is in the living out of the gospel, making it our everyday clothes and everyday actions that tells people God is more than the cultural descriptions of him. This is impossible without God working in us, but is possible when we lay our very selves down at the foot of the cross, and in humility ask to be renewed. Our hope is in the crucified LORD. Our truth is in living word of God. Our eternal life is found in the restoration God does within us.

What’s our practical method for showing this to others? Live. Do everyday life, but do it joyfully. Have an ordinary job, but do it patiently. Have regular friends, but love them peacefully. Reconnect with those who’ve left, but don’t make it a task, make it a joy. Invite friends over. Do life together. Watch games, have game nights, cook dinners & BBQ’s, celebrate and be grateful for the life God has given us. Serve when others are in need. Allow others to serve when you are in need. Stay in touch with friends. Love those who shouldn’t be loved. This is the greatest example of the gospel, and the strongest way to bring someone back who has become disillusioned. Perhaps one day they will come back to church, but until that day love them the way Jesus loved his disciples. With honesty, truth, and grace.

What’s the difference between joy and happiness?

Jackie asked: What’s the difference between joy and happiness?

I can’t think of a particular scripture that outlines the differences between joy and happiness, but I do know this question gets asked frequently. Scripture talks a lot about joy, and little about happiness. I find it easier to talk about happiness first, then talk about joy.

Happiness is an external feeling. When something good happens it makes a happy. When the sun is shining and everything is going well we are happy. It’s that new car freshness, looking good when you’re going out, a pleasant delightful surprise, and getting what we want. Happiness isn’t wrong, it’s simply temporary and circumstantial.

Joy is different. Joy is an internal contentment regardless of circumstance. We can have joy in difficult circumstances without having to smile or make joyful noises. Joy is not an external emotion. We can have joy while we grieve. We can have joy while being angry. We can have joy while being heartbroken. We can have joy in painful circumstances.

When Paul rejoiced in his sufferings, he wasn’t happy about his external circumstances, he was joyful that God was using him to preach the gospel. Even though he was being mistreated, abused, and physically beaten. Paul sang while in prison, even though he wasn’t happy. He sang because he knew God was at work, even though he couldn’t see it.

Jackie asked: Can you have one without the other?

When we rejoice in our sufferings, we don’t have to sing or smile: that’s happiness. Having joy means being content even though we are going through difficult times and want to see things change.

Having joy changes our perspective and can bring us happiness, but happiness cannot bring us joy. Happiness is an addictive feeling, a temporary high. The pursuit of happiness is the pursuit of that high, and often leads people into bad situations. Consider the shop-a-holic, who continually buys new clothes because it feels good. All the clothes in the world won’t buy lasting happiness. Money and clothes aren’t the real issue; the real issue is not being satisfied with our possessions or where we are in life.

Joy is finding that satisfaction. Joy allows us to rejoice and praise God even in difficult circumstances, because we know he’s at work. I think it’s wonderful when we have joy and happiness. When happiness wears out is when we find out how deep our joy is.

The simple answer is yes, you can have joy and not have happiness. You can have happiness and not joy. You can have both. You can have neither.

Jackie also asked: Can you have it and lose it?

Yes. Happiness is fleeting, and going through difficult times can rob us of our joy. Consider Naomi in the book of Ruth. Once she had everything she wanted and then lost it all. She wanted to change her name to Mara because she was bitter about what had happened to her. What I find amazing about the book of Ruth is that even though we may feel like we’ve lost all joy and happiness in the world, God has not forgotten us. The book of Ruth ends with the restoration of Naomi; she gets her joy back.

Jackie’s final question: Can you have neither and be a Christian?

Yes! Joy is something learned. It’s not an inherent quality. Difficult times tell us a lot about who we are and what we lack. Hardship is part of life, we can let it drag us down, or we can use it to identify where we need to grow. Reclaiming joy is not about focusing on the positives in life. It’s about focusing on God. Everything else is subject to change, but God and His love are not. The love of God is the source of a Christian’s joy. We often misunderstand the love of God, and as such, it’s easy to miss out on joy. Pursuing the love of God is a great way to find joy.

Is it love or guilt?

Carlen asked: how do you know if you’re operating out of guilt or love?

Great question! I remember listening to a comedian talk about how much he hated church because all they talked about was guilt, guilt, guilt! Guilt is a nagging voice that says, “I can’t believe you’re doing ____, you know you should be doing _____, because if you’re doing _____ you’re a bad person and God doesn’t like you.” This example is a pretty strong guilt trip. Guilt reminds us how bad we are and then uses some form of pressure to get us to do something different. It’s easy for Christians to fall into guilt because we know about our sin. It’s easy to focus on our sin instead of focusing on God and what He’s done for us. When we do good deeds because we don’t want to be seen as sinful, that’s acting out of guilt. When we act because we want God, or someone else, to like us more that’s guilt. Guilt tells us we’re not good enough and we need to try harder.

If we’re trying hard because we’ll receive something in return for our efforts we’re not acting out of love; we’re operating for a reward. The two Greek words used to talk about Christian love are agape and philos. Agape is self-less love, as in it doesn’t operate for a reward: it operates out of a desire to benefit someone else. Philos is brotherly love. Brotherly meaning, love between equals. When we love someone, we should not love them out of pity, this is condescending kindness. Nor should we love someone because they are better than us, this becomes worship and favor seeking. True love recognizes an equality with the person being loved, and loves without expecting a reward.

When we get an excited tingly feeling about doing something for someone, that’s love. When we feel shame, anxiety and panic when doing something for someone, that’s guilt.

Guilt tears us down, but love builds us up. A simple question to ask ourselves when evaluating guilt or love, “Do I enjoy doing this?” I’ve done things because I’ve had the ‘talent’, but in truth I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, I was just doing it out of a sense of obligation and duty. I burned out. Love doesn’t burn out, but guilt most definitely will.

Carlen also asked: At what point are you helping too much and are standing in God’s way?

When we help someone too much, they usually let us know. If they don’t verbalize their feelings, we can often see them in a person’s tone and body language. When our desire to help comes from guilt and pity, we miss out on doing the right amount of helping. Guilt and pity are self-centered; we feel like we have to be seen doing some activity in order for things to be set right or we have to do the action and can’t let someone else step in and help.

Here are a few good question to ask ourselves when questioning our own motives, “Am I doing this to be seen and get some kind of credit? Am I doing this because I know better than the other person? Would I be okay if someone else took my place, and did what I want to do? Have I asked the other people involved if this is how they want to be helped?" Most of the time we have good intentions when trying to help someone out. The best way to help someone is to listen first, then take action. Often times people want to be heard and don’t need us to do anything more.

When we’re keeping score of how much we’re helping other people, we’re probably getting in the way. Score keeping is a sure way to know whether we’re doing something for ourselves, or doing it for God.

Carlen’s final question: Is it possible to get in [God’s] way?

Yes! I love this question and I love answering in the affirmative because most of the time we all try and get in God’s way. Most leaders in the Bible questioned what God wanted to do and tried to put a stop to it. One of my favorite examples is the time Jesus plainly told the disciples he was going to suffer and die. Peter pulled him aside and started to rebuke him! We often want to substitute a picture of how things should happen, instead of asking God how to be a part of the picture. We put our motives and desires first, instead of listening to God and doing things His way. Jesus response to Peter is simple, “Get behind me Satan!” Peter literally stood in front of Jesus and tried to stop him. But God cannot be stopped. Even if we try and tell him we know better.

I love the proverb “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” This means that even though there’s much we’d like to do, God has a way of accomplishing His purposes in spite of ourselves. God also lets us know when we’re getting in the way. Jesus didn’t just sit and listen to Peter, he told Peter flat out that Peter was wrong. Jesus used that moment to teach the disciples and the crowd about the selfless nature of God’s kingdom. Laying down our self-centered ways is difficult, but one of the best ways to lay ourselves down is by talking to God.

Jesus didn’t hold a grudge against Peter for not grasping God’s kingdom. In fact, Jesus continued to work with Peter and raised him up to become one of the most influential founders of the church. We need to talk to God when we don’t understand. We need to ask questions in order to learn. Too often we pursue a self-centered plan of action instead of stopping to evaluate ourselves.

We are all sinners saved by grace; this is what makes us saints. Not that we have become perfect, but that we continue to seek God through our stumbling. There’s a fancy theological word for this called sanctification. Sanctification is the process through which we learn to act out the kingdom of God. There’s no timeline for sanctification. Life is our timeline. When we reach heaven sanctification will be complete. Until then, continue repenting heathen sinner! Or wait… was that a guilt trip?

Facing the Father

This is my third attempt and final attempt at this idea, but this time I’m confident I know how to finish. I’ve had to change the name of this writing several times because our issues with the Father go deeper than fear. I’ve had to ask myself, “Where does this fear come from?” The simple answer of, “misunderstood love” isn’t satisfactory, even though it’s a simple answer. There is more worth exploring and struggling with that yields profitable answers. One of the things I’ve had to remind myself is when we look at the Trinity the issues are not black and white: they are colorful. There’s a rich complexity searching for answers and solutions, and even though my initial ideas have been confirmed, they’ve been broadened and enriched by further study. For when I first started writing and exploring our issues with Father, I knew my ideas were valid, but my explanations were poor. I didn’t have the words to functionally describe what I knew to be the truth. That and I was pigeon holing my format. Needless to say after four weeks of kicking these ideas around in my sleep deprived head, which included a week of crisis response training and working with troubled/abused children, I have a greater vocabulary to communicate my ideas and am more certain of my explanations, even though they may still be rough.

Initially, I wanted to look at legalism and liberalism, for both isms are faulty views of God and the written word. The training I received reminded me that behavior is second to personal needs and experiences. In other words legalism and liberalism are symptoms of deeper issues. They are responses to unmet needs and painful experiences. The legalist tries to control an out of control world through harsh discipline and a literal letter by letter interpretation of the Law. The liberalist rejects the Law because they have never experienced the Law correctly applied. The issue is not the Law itself, but the perception of the judge behind the Law. The legalist fears a constantly angry and unpredictable God, who punishes without warning and punishes in the extreme: an abusive Father. The liberalist spits in God’s face because God neither sees, cares, nor acts; the liberalist scorns the Law of the Father out of frustration, experiencing a negligent Father. The core of issues of abuse and neglect are the same: pain. It hurts to be in an abusive and/or negligent relationship. An overly harsh disciplining Father frustrates his children because the children become afraid to act. A negligent never-present Father frustrates a child in the opposite way: the child can never seem to get their father’s attention. This causes the child to act any way that they want, because there are no ramifications and the Father won’t act. The legalist tries to follow the Law, hoping the Father will be pleased and will not enforce punishment; they live in fear of punishment, because they feel they’re constantly being scrutinized. Both the legalist and the liberalist desire love from the Father, they simply don’t know how to find or experience it.

Looking at legalism and liberalism, we need to go deeper than surface behavior, and go to the heart of their issues. How they view and experience God the Father.

Legalism: the abusive and angry Father

This view of God comes from an Old Testament heavy focus. It’s mostly a misinterpretation of the prophets, who called God’s people back to a healthy relationship with God, and warned them that God would act justly if they did not change their ways. What ‘ways’ were these? The prophets spoke out against the injustice in Jewish society; they spoke out against fraud, stealing property, mistreating the elderly, mistreating orphans, mistreating widows, unfair wages, mistreatment of immigrants and foreigners, cheating their own people, and unfair taxation. They addressed these issues, as well as others, as central to following God’s Law. They pointed out people were going through religious motions while ignoring matters more important to God: the treatment of others. As the prophets pointed out these problems within society, they also claimed that God would not remain silent, that he would act and bring justice to those who were abusing others. The prophets called people to account who were living in liberalism: meaning the people who were doing whatever they wanted with no fear of God or man. Our misinterpretation of the prophets focuses on the punishment of God, which, though a part of the prophets’ message, is not the entirety of their message. It’s from the prophets that most legalists justify their abuse of others.

A great example of this comes from the religious leaders in Jesus day. Here’s what the leaders understood. As the Jewish people didn’t listen to God’s word through the prophets, He brought them to justice and exiled them from the Promised Land. Even though God brought the people back and sent more prophets to them to help them rebuild their nation, the people still rebelled. God gave them warnings they would be removed from the land again, and then stopped sending prophets. Because God stopped sending prophets, the religious leaders lived in fear of losing their nation; for they knew God would hold true to his word and deal justly with his people. The leaders taught the people if they followed God’s Law to the letter, God would not remove them. What started out as a movement to teach people how to live God’s Law became empty religious gestures. The gestures multiplied over time, becoming more and more difficult to follow. Just like their ancestors, they built an empty religion based on religious deeds, instead of living out God’s Law and practicing what was just and right. The religious leaders lived in fear of God’s wrath, and dealt harshly with anyone who upset their control over the people. This is why they executed Jesus. He upset their balance of power by condemning the empty religion created by their fear, greed, and desire to control people. Their legalism led to the abuse of power and the abuse of people.

Like the religious leaders in Jesus day, there are current religious leaders who use their authority to abuse others. They preach from the prophets that if people practice their version of the Law, society will stay together and God will not pour out his wrath. These religious leaders focus on the wrath of God, using it to scare people into obedience. This is a form of oppression and control. These false religious leaders oppress others, especially those who disagree with their strict fear-driven ideologies. They don’t have the patience to listen to those who look to practical matters like justice, as the prophets and Jesus did. These false religious leaders see their traditions as more important than the implications of living out the social aspect of the word of God. They think their traditions set them apart and will make people take notice of how holy they are. They have an inflated sense of self, for in the end they are only concerned with how holy they are in their own eyes and the eyes of those they can control. Anyone who functions outside a false leader’s tradition is branded a heretic, a liberal, or a fool. Confrontation with these leaders involves outbursts of anger, as they attempt to dominate conversations, and dictate other’s behaviors.

Abusive leaders create abusive followers. Occasionally those leaving a strict legal perspective will jump to liberalism, which is opposite to the abuse of legalism. For legalism is active abuse, but liberalism is a passive abuse.

Liberalism: the neglectful and inattentive Father

Some view the Law as oppressive and too strict. These individuals often look at the extreme application of the Law instead of the correct and just application of the Law. Rather than seeking out the purpose of the Law, liberalism tries to defeat the Law by explaining it away. In other words liberalism is an attempt to free people from the Law, meaning getting rid of the implications of breaking the Law. This in effect creates lawlessness, because there is nothing holding people accountable. Liberalism hides in the guise of liberty: that people should be free to do whatever they want, regardless if it’s just and right for individuals and society at large. The call for liberalism goes too far, for in it’s attempt at removing oppression it ends up justifying oppression, because everyone is free to do as they wish, including mistreating those who cannot stand up for themselves. This is a form of neglect. How? Because those who cry out for justice are ignored, because even though people are free to do as they want, this includes oppressing and abusing others. Liberalism neglects powerless people, paying them little attention because it’s too busy taking care of those who have the power to take care of themselves.

During the decline of the Kingdom of Judah and Israel, liberalism was a rank problem. People began to do whatever they wanted, including worshipping whatever God they wanted. The God of Israel taught people to follow the Law, to act justly, to admit mistakes, to be purified and be made clean. The other gods promoted promiscuity, child-sacrifice, war, terror and oppression. In defense of the other gods, they didn’t lead their followers into all of these sins, but the acceptance of these sins, and worshipping whatever god or gods you wanted, including the God of Israel, meant you could do whatever you want so long as you claimed a religious following. This is why the God of Israel calls himself a jealous god, because you cannot serve the God of Israel and other gods. Either you follow Him and the Law, or you follow them and their sins. There’s no middle ground, because one accepts behavior without question, while the other actively works to change behavior. You might be wondering, “Why would the Israelites stop following their God?” The simple answer is this, because they could. The God of Israel gave people His people liberty. He didn’t force them into obedience; He promised justice, even though He patiently applies it. This is where inattention and neglect become our central issue, when we wait for God to act.

Skeptics of God say, “Prove God exists,” expecting a display of power and wonder, or at least continuous divine justice. When people consciously break the Law for the first time they expect an abusive and angry God to show up and deliver swift justice. As the God of Israel is not abusive, but just, He doesn’t act because we provoke Him; He warns us of the ramifications of our actions and holds us accountable, being patient with us and giving us time to change. Many take His short term inaction as long term inattention. That God does not care whether or not we follow His Law. For if He doesn’t enforce His Law, why should we follow it? This is why He sent the prophets to Israel, to call the people back to following the Law, warning them that justice was coming if they did not change their ways. God gave His people a chance to respond, a chance to change and a choice to change. Many took God’s silence as neglect, and since God wasn’t enforcing His Law, they could do whatever they wanted without fear of ramification.

Liberalism sees a neglectful God who simply does not care; an inattentive God who lets injustice reign. These injustices are explained away as freedoms, for if there are no direct ramifications for breaking the Law, then breaking the Law is of no consequence. These views of God are contrary to the prophets’ message. God saw the injustice in Israel. He warned His people through the prophets, giving them the opportunity to act freely and return to the Law, responding without being forced into action. As the people did not choose to follow the Law, God brought justice. This came as a shock to many Israelites, for they thought the prophets’ warnings were too legalistic. The Israelites didn’t take the prophets’ seriously. For Israel believed they could do as they wished: that God have given them free reign. In reality God gave them a responsibility, one they could not free themselves from, even if they chose not to follow God’s Law.

The True Father: fulfillment of the Law through love

The greatest commandment is to love the LORD your God with all your heart, mind and strength; and to love your neighbor as yourself. This puts God’s Law first, but places the fulfillment of the Law through the treatment of others. As a just Father, God set down rules, boundaries, and ramifications. When we break the Law He gives us the opportunity to respond, coming back into a right relationship with Him. As God warned Israel and Judah of their behavior, God does the same for us. He warns us before taking action and dealing out punishment. Only when we have so hardened ourselves to the point we no longer care about following God’s Law, through legalism or liberalism, does God punish. In the case of Israel and Judah He waited until society had completely disregarded His Law before taking action. God is patient. God lets us know where we stand with Him. He never punishes or disciplines without reason or warning. God is just. His goal is to show us how loving people through difficult times and places can transform them, even though we’d rather demand strict adherence to the Law or do away with it entirely. God gives us a choice, but He holds us accountable to that choice and its ramifications.

Working with the abused and neglected is simple: let them know what is happening; pay attention to their needs; be consistent in your behavior; be consistent in your expectations; and give grace. It is incredibly difficult to shed an abused or neglected mentality. Love is the only way to break through these mentalities and create lasting change. The same is true of legalism and liberalism. God does breaks through these mentalities through the love inherent in His Law. As such the Law is more than following a legal code. For legal codes do not move us to a place of love, and neither does letting people do as they wish move us to a place of love. Love comes from identifying with someone in pain. God calls Himself our Father, not to show how high an authority He is above us, but to show how much He loves us because He claims us as His dear beloved and cherished children. He claims us as His own, even though we often stumble to claim Him and His Law. Our Father gives people freedom to respond; we need to do the same, without forcing them to do as we wish. God doesn’t force us to behave, but He does enforce justice, even though He is patient and gracious with us, so much so we can become frustrated with the precision of His movements. This kind of love is difficult, but God has modeled it for us through His Son, who is the fulfillment of the Law. The Law points to the Son, the Son points to the Spirit who dwells within us to help us change, and the Spirit points back to the Father, who has put it all in place to show how much He loves us, looks out for us, and wants us to choose His ways, not ours.